Life, love and death...

Tracey’s Mum is dying in hospital. Promotion to glory is probably hours away rather than days. Although she has been unwell for some time the end, as is so often the case, has come somewhat suddenly. The whole situation has set a series of confusing and complicated thoughts racing through my mind. Partly because I will miss Lola, partly because it is distressing to see Tracey upset and partly because the 25 year anniversary of my brother’s death was only 3 days ago.

If it was me lying in bed surrounded by angels eager to lift me to heaven what would I be thinking? I can only assume that God in his mercy encourages the dying to look forward rather than back if heaven is, as the bible says, a tearless place. However, in those brief momentary lapses when I would slip back into the physical realm I imagine that regret would be my principle thought. The things I hadn’t done, said, sacrificed, achieved or completed would fill my mind.

Tracey’s Mum passed away as I was typing these words – I’ve just had a phone call. She died at 10:20pm.

Death focuses the mind in a way that nothing else can. It forces us to review our own priorities and demands that we put our own house in order. It asks the question and insists upon an answer – what matters most?

It is not what I do or say, it is not what I surrender or embrace – it is about where I am - for it is only by abiding in Christ that I can be certain that my life meets with the Father’s approval. To love God with all my heart is all that matters.

Usually, Albert Osborn, Herbert Booth, John Gowans or Charles Wesley has a word for such occasions – in this case the prize goes to Osborn:

I must love thee, love must rule me,
Springing up and flowing forth
From a childlike heart within me,
Or my work is nothing worth.
Love with passion and with patience,
Love with principle and fire,
Love with heart and mind and utterance,
Serving Christ my one desire.

All that matters is the quality and quantity of time I spend in God’s presence – externals are unimportant it is the transactions that take place within that matter not those that occur without. It is only when we truly love God that we can even begin to obey his commandments.

May God forgive me for trying to build a kind of ‘bolt on’ Christianity and may he help me to draw closer to him, to die to self, to live life abundantly and to act in full accordance with his will motivated and empowered by nothing other than his love.

Grace and peace, A.