Seriously under conviction!

I feel under conviction – I don’t think I can remember feeling under as much conviction since my conversion. I feel compelled to repeatedly turn to those parts of the bible that seem to have become unfashionable (or perhaps unpalatable). I mean the sections that deal with things like worldliness, judgement, hell, lifestyle, social justice, true fasting, hypocrisy, practical compassion and self sacrifice. At the same time I am becoming more and more familiar with the lifestyles and practical self sacrifice of the Army’s founders (those who joined the battle prior to 1880)

A copy of O&R’s for Field Officers (1908) recently came into my possession and I was wondering if it would be possible to live my life as I would have done if I had been an Officer serving then. I also recently read the life story of Captain Ted Irons (converted at the age of 20 in 1876 and died in a drowning accident in 1878) it is almost impossible to comprehend just how much God did in this man’s life in just two years! I’m also re-reading Watson’s ‘Soldier Saint’ which (after the bible) is the most challenging read that I can find.

There is an irresistible pull towards actually trying to make the sacrifice that the early SA Pioneers made and an irrepressible conviction that their absolute single vision and un-distracted passion was the primary reason for their miraculous success.

All of this, repeatedly, leads me to the inescapable conclusion that these old and almost forgotten ways (I’m talking about spirit not necessarily methodology) are the conditions we must meet if we are to experience revival.

I remain under conviction, back firmly against the wall and in a corner that seems to become tighter by the day – God is pushing for an answer and as yet I am still slightly confused. I have prayed and prayed and asked for someone that I could talk to but the answer I get is “all you need is your knowledge of the past, the evidence of your conversion, scriptural truth and one wild and totally ludicrous leap of faith!’

I think I’m close to capitulation if for no other reason than I can’t see any other way out of this dilemma.

Love and prayers

A