Big Roy

Back in 1990, with no faith to speak of, coming out of divorce and living on my own in a one room flat I started working for Maidstone Borough Council. At the time I was very low, very lonely, somewhat confused and on anti-depressants (this was 4 years before my conversion and a few months before I met Tracey.)

One of my colleagues was 'Big' Roy, an affable, straight talking 57 year old man. He was responsible for Health Promotion and I was responsible for Environmental Promotion and economies of scale dictated that we often promoted our two subjects together. When I got saved it became evident that Roy had no time for religion – you can imagine we had some interesting debates!

In spite of this, I had a great deal of admiration for Roy; he was loyal, happily married, hard working and generous. Last year Roy got cancer and for a while things looked touch and go but Roy being Roy made a good recovery although the adjective 'big' was less applicable than it once was J

A couple of weeks ago a mutual friend rang me and told me that Roy's cancer had returned and that he had also contracted septicaemia and had been moved to a local Hospice. Roy had specifically asked for me to visit him. At the end of our visit I politely acknowledged his dislike of religion but said that I would like to pray for him, with tears in his eyes Roy replied 'that's why I asked for you because I knew you would pray for me'. I held his hand and prayed for Roy, I thanked God for his friendship, for his influence on my life and for his courage and I asked God to relieve his pain and give him peace. I also asked God to have mercy on his soul and to receive him into his kingdom. Roy squeezed my hand tight and struggled to hold back the tears.

The bible says we are saved by faith; sometimes all we have to do is push through the crowd and touch the hem of his robe. Roy, the big passionate atheist, asked me to pray for him. He asked me to speak to what he had always claimed was a non-existent God on his behalf. In this simple act he both acknowledged God's existence and his power to save.

Yesterday morning I heard that Roy had passed away and I have no doubt that he is now safe in the arms of Jesus.

Of course if Roy had died in a car crash or of a heart attack maybe things might have been different – I don't know. All I do know is that when Jesus talked about the kingdom of heaven and its citizens he usually spoke about prostitutes, publicans, tax collectors and sinners, he spoke about the 'halt and lame' about those that lived in the alleys and the lanes.

When it comes to heaven and hell things aren't always as cut and dried as they might seem.
Faith saves us and faith is nothing more than a humble recognition that we need God – it seems to me that in his simple hope that I would pray for him big Roy did just that...  humbly recognised and verbally expressed his need for God and I believe that was enough to save him.

Life, love and death...

Tracey’s Mum is dying in hospital. Promotion to glory is probably hours away rather than days. Although she has been unwell for some time the end, as is so often the case, has come somewhat suddenly. The whole situation has set a series of confusing and complicated thoughts racing through my mind. Partly because I will miss Lola, partly because it is distressing to see Tracey upset and partly because the 25 year anniversary of my brother’s death was only 3 days ago.

If it was me lying in bed surrounded by angels eager to lift me to heaven what would I be thinking? I can only assume that God in his mercy encourages the dying to look forward rather than back if heaven is, as the bible says, a tearless place. However, in those brief momentary lapses when I would slip back into the physical realm I imagine that regret would be my principle thought. The things I hadn’t done, said, sacrificed, achieved or completed would fill my mind.

Tracey’s Mum passed away as I was typing these words – I’ve just had a phone call. She died at 10:20pm.

Death focuses the mind in a way that nothing else can. It forces us to review our own priorities and demands that we put our own house in order. It asks the question and insists upon an answer – what matters most?

It is not what I do or say, it is not what I surrender or embrace – it is about where I am - for it is only by abiding in Christ that I can be certain that my life meets with the Father’s approval. To love God with all my heart is all that matters.

Usually, Albert Osborn, Herbert Booth, John Gowans or Charles Wesley has a word for such occasions – in this case the prize goes to Osborn:

I must love thee, love must rule me,
Springing up and flowing forth
From a childlike heart within me,
Or my work is nothing worth.
Love with passion and with patience,
Love with principle and fire,
Love with heart and mind and utterance,
Serving Christ my one desire.

All that matters is the quality and quantity of time I spend in God’s presence – externals are unimportant it is the transactions that take place within that matter not those that occur without. It is only when we truly love God that we can even begin to obey his commandments.

May God forgive me for trying to build a kind of ‘bolt on’ Christianity and may he help me to draw closer to him, to die to self, to live life abundantly and to act in full accordance with his will motivated and empowered by nothing other than his love.

Grace and peace, A.

My God why hast thou forsaken me?

When Jesus said ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!’ he wasn’t just quoting Psalm 22 or simply identifying himself with the role of Messiah.

God and sin don’t mix. They cannot come into contact. They are like powerful magnetic poles forever repulsing each other. The Kingdom of God is a place bereft of sin. Sinful people cannot enter or exist in God’s kingdom.

And wicked things and beasts of prey come not there!
And ruthless death and fierce decay come not there!
There all are holy, all are good;
But hearts unwashed in Jesus' blood,
And guilty sinners un-renewed,
come not there!”

(SASB 268 – inspired by Revelation 21:8)

When Jesus died, when he descended into hell, when he ‘became sin’ he was quite literally (to quote Philippians:2 first and Wesley second) emptying ‘himself of all but love’.

Jesus is not abandoned by God on Good Friday but in order to face the penalty of sin he wilfully abandons God by committing his spirit into his Father’s care and descending into hell.

When he cries ‘Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani!’ his words are motivated by the sudden and stark awareness of both the terrible horror and the absolute loneliness of his commission. With this cry on his lips Jesus goes into battle, armed with nothing but love, faith and obedience.

The God whose nature repels sin like a ducks feathers repel water takes on human form so that he can wrestle hand to hand with the ultimate enemy of humanity ‘becoming obedient unto death, even death on a cross.’

Jesus does not defeat death and sin from a safe distance but naked and alone creeps into the very heart of the abyss and confronts face to face the lord and creator of selfishness with the irrepressible power of sacrificial love.

Alas! And did my Saviour bleed, and did my sovereign die?
Did he devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?
Was it for sins that I have done he suffered on the tree?
Amazing pity, grace unknown, and love beyond degree!
Well might the sun in darkness hide and shut his glories in,
When Christ, the mighty maker, died for man, the creature's sin.
Dear Saviour, I can ne'er repay the debt of love I owe!
Here, Lord, I give myself away; ‘tis all that I can do.

(Isaac Watts)
Amazing love!

Yours mesmerised and humbled

A