I feel under conviction – I don’t think I can remember feeling under as much conviction since my conversion. I feel compelled to repeatedly turn to those parts of the bible that seem to have become unfashionable (or perhaps unpalatable). I mean the sections that deal with things like worldliness, judgement, hell, lifestyle, social justice, true fasting, hypocrisy, practical compassion and self sacrifice. At the same time I am becoming more and more familiar with the lifestyles and practical self sacrifice of the Army’s founders (those who joined the battle prior to 1880)
A copy of O&R’s for Field Officers (1908) recently came into my possession and I was wondering if it would be possible to live my life as I would have done if I had been an Officer serving then. I also recently read the life story of Captain Ted Irons (converted at the age of 20 in 1876 and died in a drowning accident in 1878) it is almost impossible to comprehend just how much God did in this man’s life in just two years! I’m also re-reading Watson’s ‘Soldier Saint’ which (after the bible) is the most challenging read that I can find.
There is an irresistible pull towards actually trying to make the sacrifice that the early SA Pioneers made and an irrepressible conviction that their absolute single vision and un-distracted passion was the primary reason for their miraculous success.
All of this, repeatedly, leads me to the inescapable conclusion that these old and almost forgotten ways (I’m talking about spirit not necessarily methodology) are the conditions we must meet if we are to experience revival.
I remain under conviction, back firmly against the wall and in a corner that seems to become tighter by the day – God is pushing for an answer and as yet I am still slightly confused. I have prayed and prayed and asked for someone that I could talk to but the answer I get is “all you need is your knowledge of the past, the evidence of your conversion, scriptural truth and one wild and totally ludicrous leap of faith!’
I think I’m close to capitulation if for no other reason than I can’t see any other way out of this dilemma.
Love and prayers
A
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4 comments:
I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU LOOK UP SONG #542 IN OUR SONG BOOK, THE WORD THAT STANDS OUT IN MY MIND IS "SURRENDER" GOD BLESS YOU, BERNIE.
Maybe you have done the praying that God required of you and now you have to step back from beating yourself up over this conviction and allow God to step up to you and meet you at your point of need. I looked up the song mentioned in the previous comment and I too feel that the answer could also lie in the words of that song. What God requires of us is "My will is the will of my God". If we don't fight against that then God will indeed lead and guide us in the way that He wants us to go at this point in time (not in the past). Don't misunderstand me - there is much to be desired about our past and we can learn from it but we can't remain in it - we have to be relevant to the present but still hold on to that Spirit of Holiness. All of us who are for real desire to be holy and through the power of His Spirit we can be. May God bless you where you need His blessing the most.
The conviction of surrenderring to God's will is the most fundemental of our Christian experience. When God presents the idea to your heart, it can feel exactly like what you described, like you are losing room against the presence of it. It can begin to smother you if you try to ignore it. You are right, those two reads are compelling and convicting.
When God calls you to focus your commitment, He also provides you with the means to be able to do it. You cannot begin living in the 19th century, but the simplicity and focus of a vibrant Christian love compelled with Christ's compassion and action has a place in every century.
It's enough to make anyone reflect, "What have I done with the past 2 years of my spiritual influence? What have I done for Christ?"
I am a Salvationist from the land down under, Australia. I follow your blog site with interest and have been challenged on occasions by your open-ness about your walk with God and where it has taken you. I have read this post with not just interest but with a sense of empathy. We all go through times of struggle as we try to understand exactly what God is demanding of us. We question how we can ever move forward and why don't we see things happening today as they did back in the days of our beginnings as a movement. In the Corps to which I belong we are longing also for revival and I know that for me it must begin with me but it has to reach beyond me. This morning as I spent some time with the Lord prior to attending our meeting your article came to mind and I felt that I had to let you know that I prayed for you today that the Lord would reveal to you more of Himself and what it is that He is calling you to. You will possibly be preaching the word today to your own congregation and I prayed that God would use you today as you proclaim His message. May you continue to be obedient to His will and calling on your life because believe me from all these miles away your messages have been used to inspire and bless me.God bless you abundantly.
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